There are some days, like today, where I wake up early and my mind begins to race. It doesn’t race about the tasks that I’ve set out for the day and it doesn’t reflect on the mistakes that I’ve made in my past...
During these times my mind focuses on all the times I’ve been told “no”. I reflect on all of the people that gave me dirty looks for being in the same room as them, frowned their face at my ambition, thought I was crazy for pursuing the things that made me happy, or made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. The gag is this, I don’t reflect on these things to sulk or to wonder what’s wrong with me, or to wish that my life was different. I use these memories as motivation to push forward. I use these reflections as my motivation, as encouragement to do better than I did last year.I use these memories to remind myself that I’ve worked my butt off to be in the same room as celebrities and well known designers and it’s slowly starting to pay off.
There are days where I may feel out of place but I remind myself that this is only the beginning of my journey. The more that I show up to these events and fight past the feeling of “not belonging”, the more I will belong. I refuse to allow other’s prejudgments of me cause me to cower and run away from uncomfortable situations. Sometimes, it’s my own harsh judgement that does a number on the confidence I have in uncomfortable situations.
I’ve acknowledged these moments as growing pains – nothing more, nothing less. Growth is uncomfortable, but the importance of growing, is learning. Learn the industries, learn the environments, observe, soak in all that all that I can. Learning doesn’t mean that I am to lose myself and replace who I am with what I’ve discovered. It means that I must learn these new worlds and adapt. It means that I must find the social norms for these different communities and find my niche. This all comes with time and dedication.
My goal is to focus on what I want out of life and go after it. I must chase it until my legs give out, until I’m bent over, swallowing gulps of air.
Hey, I'm Njeri!
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